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By Category:
Sorry From His Eds to his Toes
posted by A on 2012/10/26 (Comics)
And now we leave Turrick and the Maid for a bit, and peek back in on the heroes. Andil... where'd that stick go, you can use it to break out!
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Comments
At your suggestion, I have gone through the archives. By my count, the jokes you have borrowed from OotS are: the explosive runes joke in 235, the running dwarven cleric afraid of trees gag, the saving panels joke in strip 244, the specific genre-savvy bard jokes in #247 and #255. There were a few more jokes that OotS and aH have in common, but I gave those a pass as they are stock jokes. Lately you have focused more on your own original humor, which is good because as it was written for aH specifically, it suits the comic better.
RiveBelle, may I suggest taking a walk back through the archive? If anything I feel like I've toned the self referential and 4th wall breaking humor DOWN from the original strips. That, and we've stolen one joke from OOTS, as an obvious homage, and made a joke twice about NOT stealing jokes from the Giant. Beyond that, thanks for the taking the time out to write all that, I do love hearing from others what they do or don't enjoy seeing.
Flaws that were prevalent in the initial Dypen strips but have been improved on:
- The overly referential humor. Initially, you would either reference something or break the fourth wall and call it a joke, even if it wasn't funny. The worst offender was the issue in which the Eds were introduced. The references and humor have definitely improved. Your most recent references in the werewolf arc are as close to good as cameo references can be, in that I could still follow the plot without understanding them. I would still prefer they not be in here, but I understand this comic has to pander a little bit.
- Stealing jokes from OotS. Initially, you did this a lot, but you write your own jokes now, for the most part.
- The fourth wall breaking. The comic still has no fourth wall, but it isn't constantly shoving it in your face the way it used to. I still think your fourth wall breaks could be used a little bit more creatively, but making them less invasive than they used to be is a good start.
- Characters being "in" on the jokes. This may be a personal pet peeve of mine, but I hate when characters laugh at the jokes, especially when I'm not. The worst offender in this regard is once again the Ed introduction strip, where Andil slaps his forehead and laughs at the end. It was very Archie-comics.
The bad:
- The dramatic tone. Lately, the strips have ended not with punchlines, but with dramatic lines. The strip cannot support these yet. I suggest you put a greater emphasis on comedic tone and stash the drama until the story is more fleshed out.
- Characterization. Honestly, it was hard for me to put this under the bad category instead of the "still needs improvement" category. What put it over the edge is the 1-dimensionality (spell check says that is a word) of the two Eds, your first original characters. Your characterization has improved, but the characters still don't quite feel like individuals to me. They all have the same voice, so to speak. There is conflict, but that does not seem like the characters' natural differences rubbing eachother the wrong way, but conflict for the sake of conflict.
The good:
- The art. The art is very nice. I realize I have spent most of this review talking about LeakingPen's end, but there is very little else to say about it, is it is just really good OotS style art.
- Storylines. I think the having to steer clear of the anti-HEROES themselves is actually a blessing in disguise, as it has forced you to come up with your own story and be more confident in your own creation, rather than relying on Zarah. I think the hero-focused comics you two make are stronger than your anti-HEROES-focused ones for this reason.
- The humor. This was another one where I was not sure whether to put it in "getting there," but what bumped it up into "good" was that many of the recent strips have actually made me laugh. The humor at the beginning of your run was not good, but it has come so far that I put it here. I would suggest you keep trying to improve and write fresher, funnier, and more creative jokes than you already are.
Cheers mates, I support what you are doing.
Also, I can't really say for sure what the specifics of that phrase are in Phineas and Ferb, as I've never seen that, but my perception based on your comment is that it really isn't a reference at all. A reference is when you acknowledge the canon of another work of fiction in some way -- whereas this is really just taking a joke from something else and reusing it in a different way. There's no actual clear indication that it's supposed to be a reference to that, because you don't seem to mention Phineas and Ferb (or any other cartoon that uses a similar joke) at all. So unless this a highly recurring theme in the show that it's widely known for, there's no real reason it can be considered a reference.
I guess what I'm saying is that either way the joke/reference doesn't really work for me.
As far as being hung, there's a big difference between arms up, and arms out, with nothing to hold onto but a nail in your hand. Crucifixion was a very different beast than being chained by the arms. (and ive been suspended in this manner for an hour before. It gets VERY uncomfortable, but yeah, with regular breaks for restroom and such, it ain't gonna kill you. )
Duke, none of the chains were long enough!
I dunno, I guess I feel like that's one of those things that's funny only in theory. As I said earlier, it just isn't working for me.
Other than that, though, pretty decent comic.
Another fine comic, guys! Keep up the good work!
Nic eto see the 'heroes' back, they'll be out of there in no time, all you need is a rouge... Oh drat, she's busy elsewhere! ;D